I remind him that at a party, she doesn’t have a hundred men lined up to talk to her. The strength of online dating lies in its ability to give us access to total strangers; the downside is how difficult it is to keep their attention. Finally, we get to talking about the woman he’s writing to. I wrote about this extensively in a chapter from “Why You’re Still Single” creatively called “Don’t Play Games”, but to reiterate: NOTHING GOOD COMES OUT OF PLAYING GAMES. None of those things prevent a guy from being nice. Kindness without confidence is the charge against the wishy-washy “nice guys”.They spoke on the phone last night for the first time. But if you put confidence and kindness together…well, I’d say you have a pretty irresistible combination of traits for a man. Confident men keep their plans after they make them.I reiterate old themes, try to put things into a much-needed perspective. And find out the next time she’s available to talk on the phone.” I’m a big believer in the phone. I don’t want her to think I’m too interested.” An old wives’ tale, I assure him.I remind him that it’s a competitive space, that it’s a buyer’s market for women. He muses that it must be nice to have hundreds of people writing to you. ” “Email her and tell her you had a lot of fun last night. But he’s citing references: “I read in David De Angelo that nice guys finish last.
There are great guys, sweet guys, charming guys, flirty guys, principled guys and hundreds of other kinds of guys who are admired and liked by girls.But, how can I say that when everything I talk about seems to be in the direction of being To make sense of this, we first need to define what we mean when we say nice guy.I used to be a nice guy, and I used to always finish last when it came to women.He tells me that he doesn’t want to have to lower his standards for online dating. I let him know that it’s a burden for these women – and that lots of great guys get lost in the shuffle. Just like a baseball player fails 7 times out of 10, an online dater is going to get a lot more rejection than acceptance. And “The Rules” talks about waiting a week in between conversations to build up anticipation and establish that you’re busy.” I’m paraphrasing, of course. Ask most women what they’re looking for and you’ll get some version of “a nice guy with a little bit of an edge”. They just don’t want a guy who values himself so little that he has to try so very hard to impress.The same women he can get in “real life” don’t respond to him online. He reminds me that each letter he writes that goes unanswered is a blow to the ego. Don’t let the process affect you; just be grateful for the potential that it presents. But the gist of it is that all of the experts out there have people believing that the way to forge a happy relationship is by playing games. And everything that you do that is in the least bit calculating is pushing you farther and father from what you claim to want – an authentic relationship where you can be loved and accepted for who you are. They value his ability to be a man, take control, make decisions, speak his mind and march to the beat of his own drum. Because they’ve tried to “nice” their way into women’s hearts and failed, they’re convinced that they have to start being jerks. The confidence that a man projects is the magnetism that draws women. Confidence without kindness describes “bad boys” that smart woman have long ago given up.